Life for me started as the first born to parents living in Connecticut – a happy, outgoing toddler, with opportunities many others lack. Then, when 18 months old, my parents were killed in a car accident caused by a drunken driver when he careened across the highway and hit them head on.
Great fortune was mine despite this tragedy, as I was quickly brought into the home of my aunt and uncle and adopted soon thereafter. They had 4 children (my cousins) who became my sisters and I grew up in a home with a big family with many advantages in life. But something was wrong with me. I could not feel the good. I was lost. I grew up so shy and afraid of everyone. I had to pretend I was really okay because everyone else was… For example, when the phone rang and my mother said, Janet, could you get that? I would freeze hoping someone else would answer until my mother would call a second time, Janet!!!! It took all my courage to pick up the handset and say hello. I was crippled by fear and I struggled with it every day. I found a way to ‘disappear’ by blurring my eyes when I spoke to someone. I just focused my eyes slightly inward like the start of going cross-eyed. The idea was that if I couldn’t see the person, he/she couldn’t see me. This coping mechanism that helped me hide was so normal for me that it wasn’t until my early teens that I even became conscious of it and made the conscious effort to stop doing it.
I grew up numb. I didn’t know what I liked, didn’t like or who I was. I thought I was worthless and had no value at all. No one beat me. No one abused me. But inside it was as if the death of my parents had sucked out from me the connection with myself. Just a question of 'what is your favorite subject' by a well-meaning relative meant panic, as I knew I was expected to come up with an answer. After continual dread at every gathering, at 10 years old I finally figured out it would be easiest to have a preprogrammed answer… so I would say math, only because I was good at it. But did I like it? I had no idea…
Fear was a chronic companion and led me around by the nose. Many coping mechanisms came into play during the day but the nights were often hell. For many years almost nightly I had 2 recurring nightmares that kept me from sleep only to have the imagined giant insects under my bed terrorize me even after the nightmares woke me up. Nighttime was not my friend. Sure there were good times and even great times that took me out of the despair I lived with for a few hours or even a day or two. But it was always lurking underneath and the emptiness and fears returned relentlessly. Dealing with them while living life was a full time preoccupation.
My twenties arrived and I went through my days often in chronic despair. I just coped and did the best I could. I went in and out of depression that sometimes hit a real low where I could barely function. I could truly understand suicide, as those thoughts came to mind more than once. To others, I made fun of my situation by calling those years my ‘terrible twenties’ (as a take off of the ‘terrible twos’). Did they know the depths of my emotional agony? Not really. I was still an expert at pretending.
Fortunately, instead of giving up on life these feelings motivated me to find answers. I was sick of being at the mercy of my emotions that hindered my life in so many ways. Misery was not a state of being that I wanted to stay in forever. First, I tried therapy. It gave me insight to my emotions and how they impacted my life. But it didn’t solve my unhappiness, my constant anxiety or my living as a shadow of who I could be while I hid from myself and the world. The insights I gained were enlightening and helped me understand. And just getting older also helped, as life experience, joining the working world and a few key friends helped me pretend less and cope better. However, although the bandaids helped, they didn’t get to the root of the problems.
Then, in my mid 30s, I found Joan Culpepper, a psychic who also was able to read out from the Higher Self frequency giving me information to me about my soul patterns. When I went for the first reading from her I connected with the information like a ray of sunshine after a lifetime of rain. I knew at the gut level that this was my chance. I joined all her groups and classes to learn all I could. And when we were given techniques and tools to help ourselves I dove in to take full advantage of it. At first I was afraid of everyone in her groups and rarely dared speak up. I was a wallflower in the back of the class. But nothing could keep me away.
Making the commitment to help myself was the answer and I saw my life improve on every level. I used the energy I learned about in order to Neutralize the Emotional Blueprints and difficult patterns that had dogged me my whole life. On some deep level I woke up – fully accepting the concept that my life was my responsibility. With this came freedom and determination – freedom from my old belief systems that kept me prisoner and determination to continue to help myself. I was able to be myself from a place of truth I hadn’t even known existed before.
It might have been far easier to illustrate amazing change if I had been paralyzed before and now I can walk than to describe these deeper emotional, mental and psychological changes that I have accomplished in my life. I took the time here to explain what it had been like for me growing up and as a young adult, to show you how I lived on a daily basis with disconnection, the constant anxiety, the limitations and the misery. The hope was that the explanation would make it possible for you to understand the full impact of what is was like for me to go from that state to the state of joy, fulfillment and self-connection. Before, these positive concepts literally had not been part of my existence. Now, I feel the full self-acceptance, self-value and self-love that I could not have imagined. Before, the landscape of my life was bleak and bereft of any sense of happiness or peace. Now, the landscape is fresh, dynamic, lush and unlimited. It is as if I’m a different person. If I went back to who I was then, that "me" would not recognize who I am today. Often times, I forget who I was back then because who I am now is so normal for me. So when I have a reason to look back on those dark days, I become astounded all over again as to the utterly phenomenal change that I have manifested.
With so much help from the Higher Self Voice I was brought up two wonderful children as a single parent without passing on the dysfunctional patterns that I had carried. I opened up positive feelings toward myself for the first time. I went from fearing people to embracing them. I also have healed my body so that now I am completely healthy with low blood pressure, low cholesterol, balanced body weight, no more arthritis, no more digestive problems, no more allergies, no more anything. My courage too is real and I no longer have to act or pretend confidence. I am doing things that had never been part of my consciousness.
Did it take a week, a month or a year to accomplish all of this? No. It took longer though every step of the way incredible shifts kept happening. I uncovered parts of myself I didn’t even know existed and I keep unfolding! The other day for example, I wrote the lyrics to a song. The idea came to my head and once I knew what I wanted to say, I just did it. No self-doubt, no questioning, no fear, no having to pretend or force it. This is my life now. Time is not a concern. We are going to be older anyway so improving the quality of life as each month goes by is motivation enough to keep going. The improvements are steady and allow time for us to adjust and also for people around us to adjust to the changes that occur. We can all live out of who we are at a deep level. And it can happen faster than we could imagine.
I have now moved into a career where I share the Higher Self help with others. I have learned that I have gifts and talents I knew nothing of for the first 4 decades of life. I am an artist, a writer, a leader, a Higher Self reader. Who knew? My instincts about Joan Culpepper had been right. Life is a joy to me now. I have left the lonely back office of my bookkeeping business where my life was numbers more than people to move out into the world in order to share all that I have learned, to share the effective ways we can all change our lives. I have moved from feeling like a victim to knowing I am the creator of my present and future. It is something everyone can do, no special skills required, no months or years of schooling to get certified. Everyone carries all we need inside as part who we truly are and this enables us to heal ourselves. I am only thrilled to pass this knowledge on to others. Hope is here.
Joan was born in Tennessee and was raised with a Fundamentalist background. While there were aspects of the church that carried goodness and hope, she found she still had more questions than answers and went in search of meaning that had eluded her. In addition, Joan felt like the black sheep in her family. With that came a sense of isolation and separation. She felt different and was struggling to understand.
In 1966, at the age of 31, Joan moved to the Los Angeles area. It was there she found a community of people who were exploring other philosophies and spiritual ideas. She felt like she’d come “home”. This open environment helped her understand and appreciate the psychic experiences she had been undergoing since childhood.
Joan considered herself a “conscious spiritual seeker” pursuing alternative ways of looking at the universe and her place in it. She described herself in this discovery process as “a true metaphysical groupie”. However, over time, she became disillusioned with many of the teachers she encountered.
Born from this frustration came the decision to take responsibility for her own information by looking within. Joan started out using Tarot cards and her abilities as a psychic grew to the point where she was able to make a living doing readings. In a relatively short time, her reputation spread and she developed a large clientele. Then in the mid 70’s, Joan began to bring in a very different kind of information that opened up a whole new world.
She would describe the source of the information as the Higher Selves – 5th Dimensional Soul Aspects. Her process of getting the information was not the traditional “channeling” often done by mediums nor was it a form of psychic vision. Joan was able to move her “consciousness” into the higher frequency of the 5th Dimension and hear the Higher Selves with great precision. This information carried life altering potential.
Joan never courted publicity although there were many opportunities. She believed that those who needed to work with her would “find her”. Joan preferred to work one on one with people rather than to take the more visible path to fame, keeping her group small and relatively local. However, she clearly recognized the immense value of the Higher Selves information and diligently recorded every group and reading she ever gave.
In the mid 1990’s Joan “retired” from her spiritual work and became a full-time grandmother to her daughter’s twin girls. During the latter part of this period, she had many conversations with Janet Richmond outlining plans to do a Higher Self blog and to write a book together. Joan felt it was essential that the Higher Self information be shared with the world. She died unexpectedly in 2006 before the work left the planning stages. However, her daughter agreed that Janet should move forward with the projects on her own. Joan is now working for the humanities from the other side.