Harboring

In the past decades I've experienced a number of difficult situations with people I considered to be close friends. In these instances I was blind-sided by these friends where they divulged feelings and sentiments about me that they had been apparently harboring for months, often even years. One or two I can possibly understand; after all, we all experience life through our own unique and subjective lens. But this was more than just a couple and it became apparent

that it was a pattern I was creating for myself and it needed to be Neutralized. Needless to say, I did not want to find myself in another situation where one day, yet again, I would discover that a very close friend was harboring negative feelings about me. Unless they are expressed, they cannot be resolved and would build in the other person. Not a good thing for either one of us.

So naturally I went into frequency to get some clarity on the situation. I asked the Higher Selves, "Why do people hold back from me? Why do they harbor things so that I don't know what's going on?" They immediately came back with, "It's because you harbor, you hold back. And others understand and respond to that - whether consciously or unconsciously." So now, even though I'm fully aware that I hold back (it's a pattern I've been working on for some time), I asked them again what more do I need to work on.  They said that it was a part of the "wanting to please" pattern as well as the patterns of fear of being attacked, being hurt and being rejected. All of these I had worked on in the past and had clearly made progress but more work was needed for the deeper layers. So I Neutralized my heart out yet again with it.

Throughout the many lives we've lived in the Human Kingdom Universe there have been many times in which we've actually had to hold back or risk being killed, tortured or imprisoned. So the fears come from these very real places and although we aren’t still in those lives, the beliefs, thoughts, emotions and habits we took on in them continue to be held in our energetic field. So the fact that there were still dregs for me left to clear is understandable. Just when I was feeling discouraged, the Higher Selves also explained that if I were to look back over the history of these incidents I've had with my friends I would notice how each one, though difficult in its own way, was actually lessening in intensity and they were happening much less often. And this was true, which showed I’d made good progress. So although this last incident hurt, it was extremely gentle compared to some of the earlier events. It was a powerful acknowledgement to myself that the Neutralizing I'd been doing for so many years in this arena actually was having such a positive effect.

The following day I ran into another friend who I see regularly. As well as we get along, there is one thing that he does that has bothers me. Not only did I know there was no mean intension to his words, I also knew that he and I simply had different viewpoints on the subject. Thus, to me this issue felt so minor that not mentioning it never really seemed like an erroneous thing. So, I choose to stay silent and not respond when it came up. So imagine my surprise when this time (after about a year of knowing him) when he once again did that small thing, I spoke out. (This was just after all my Neutralizing the day before.) I told him that I've never mentioned it before because it's so minor and I know he has no negative intention but that it kind of bothered me. Although we discussed the why behind my feeling, he came to understand where I was coming from. I also shared with him the insight about myself holding back and explained that with him, it was not necessary nor would I want to – that he was too important a friend to hold back from.

Please understand that sometimes we think that we need to hold back so as not to upset someone or to create a conflict. So Neutralizing this pattern might feel scary to someone because one might think that speaking out means you have to bash someone or hurt their feelings. This is not so. You can discuss the issue in terms that are not blaming or hurtful. Plus, if the pattern is Neutralized, you have choice as to how to handle a situation. When we carry the belief systems, the coping patterns, the defense mechanisms, we have knee-jerk reactions and can hold back almost unconsciously or even if we are conscious (as I was) we can find ways to rationalize or dismiss what we are doing (like I did). Thus, the pattern continues to reappear in our lives – as it did in mine. So yet again… a reminder to keep Neutralizing.

BTW, the little thing in this example will be a topic for my next blog because it is a different viewpoint that may resonate with lots of people...